“I’m a Libra!” Sometimes I tell people this when the astrological conversation comes up. It’s usually followed by: “I’m extremely indecisive!” Being indecisive feels like a disease. It’s not normal! It runs your life. Like smoking. I’m not an active smoker anymore but when I was, the amount of time spent figuring out when my next smoke was going to be was uncanny.  Side note: the amount of time spent trying to hide the fact that I was smoking from people I didn’t want knowing was also uncanny. Soooo, I’m an indecisive, secretive Libra. There, that’s all you need to know. I should be put away. Don’t ask me what I want for dinner! I don’t know! I’ll never know! And I don’t want you to know! Just kidding, it’s okay if you know.

I remember being little and my Mom trying to find something for me to do. It seems that claiming you are bored as a child is not a good thing. To this day, it sticks in my head that if you say you are bored, you are boring. Now, I don’t really believe this. I understand that saying you are bored really just means you don’t know what you should do. There are plenty of options, but you really aren’t quite sure what you feel like doing. In fact, I think the word “bored” should be officially changed to “lazy”. “Mom, I’m lazy!” There, that’s more accurate. This is all beside the point because what I’m really trying to get at is this: One day, back in the 80’s, my Mom handed me some paper and colored pencils and suggested I draw one of my Rainbow Brite dolls. She tells me I said, “I can’t draw that!”, and that she encouraged me to try it anyway. I remember it was mostly purple and that I did a pretty good job recreating the dolls image on my paper with my colored pencils. Mom was impressed and that, too, sticks in my head. This is my first memory of trying to be artistic and I’m pretty happy about it. I’m happy I remember this (with Mom’s help of course).

Painting and I have been seeing each other on and off since high school. I must admit, I’ve taken it for granted most of my life. I was never really committed. I dabbled here and there and always strayed. Painting is a relationship for me. And I am only now old enough to realize it is time to settle down and give it the time and respect it deserves. I have decided I want to be an artist before I die. A committed beginner in search of growth. I want to squeeze the time out of a hectic day to paint. I want to learn an incredible amount about painting, about myself, and I want to see it’s effect on my artwork . This blog is going to help me. And possibly help someone else, who knows? I’ve decided to keep it to myself (no friends or family) for two reasons:

1. To be uninhibited by anonymity. Not because I want to be rude or jerky, but because I’m sorta shy and if I think anyone I know is reading this, I will not be able to share my true feelings and I’ll censor every little thing. And that’s no fun. And I’m a big wuss. And maybe this in itself is something I need to work on!

2. To experiment with the challenge of appealing to a set of unbiased strangers.

If anyone out there in the world is reading this, I thank you for your time. It is precious, valuable, and fleeting, and you didn’t have to spend it here.


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